- Why when I am actively looking for a job do I come off as overqualified, under-qualified or unemployable? What the fuck. Just give me a job.
- Why is my body clock set to wake me up at 03:03am to pee? Urgently. Like, I can’t just sit there and hope it goes away. I need to drag my ass out of bed, into the cold, blind myself with the worlds brightest bathroom light, wake up the kids with the flusher, and run the hot tap for at least 3 minutes to get decent hot water to wash my hands.
- Excel. I cannot work it. I have no patience for it. It’s little ‘cells’ and formulas. why does it not like copy and paste? Get to fuck.
- Why does my right hand boot, in all pairs of boots, start to leak first? Every year I get new boots. I wear them in, I love them. So comfy. November hits. Mega rain hits. Right boot starts to leak. At the toe. Repeat process….
- Why does thinking about pickled onion monster munch make my jaws tingle?
- Where are my sunglasses. The new prescription ones I bought a mere few months ago that have now disappeared from earth.
- Why do my children need dragged out of bed Monday to Friday, but Saturday hits and they are up at 7am singing/playing harmonicas/asking for iPads….
- Why did I have children…why did I not think about how bad Saturdays would be? Forever.
- Why do I have no filter? Like, do my friends really need to know about my latest gynae appointment, how it went and what my cervix looked like in HD? No, they don’t. Yet here I am. Telling you…
- What kind of word is Mystery anyway? Who came up with that? Like, in what age did someone say ‘oooh, something has happened that I cannot explain. We should have a word for that. Let’s call it a….a…mystery’ Stupid English Language. I’m not having it.